Oscars Live Blog – Part 4

• By honoring the “nutty professor,” Eddie Murphy simultaneously honors the life of a comedy great (Jerry Lewis), and the death of another (the funny Eddie Murphy). Seriously, how does someone go from Trading Places to Pluto Nash? Did he become a Scientologist or something?
• Original Score: Slumdog again. 13/18. It’s pretty cool how Danny Boyle used so many Indian talents behind the scenes. Solid speech. This is a neat story.
• It seems like the Oscars songs stick in my head more than anything else from past shows. I remember watching Elliot Smith perform Miss Misery on a wooden stool in front of a red curtain… Glen Hansard and Marketa Ignova’s beautiful acceptance speech last year… Paul McCartney doing Vanilla Sky… Randy Newman doing Toy Story songs… Elton John… Bruce Springsteen… tons more.
• These performances weren’t very spectacular. It seemed a little out of sync. No Peter Gabriel. No M.I.A.. Bummer. Jai Ho should win… and does. 14/19. Another solid speech. It’s hard to believe that Slumdog Millionaire almost went straight to DVD. No wonder Danny Boyle looks so emotional. His acceptance speech for Directing is going to be memorable.
• Foreign Language Film: Departures wins for Japan. First big surprise of the night. Waltz with Bashir is shut out. 14/20. I hadn’t really heard anything about this movie. Another bad Michael Scott impression.
• Queen Latifah introduces the dead people and makes us feel guilty for not appreciating or missing them the way the famous people do. On cue, my mom makes the obligatory female response to seeing Queen Latifah: “She’s such a beautiful person.” It’s impossible for them to not say this.
• What is the minimum importance required to get your face on this montage after you die? I wonder what I can do to get on there… Will slmost being in Day/Night do it for me? I need to get an IMDB page started…

Oscars Live Blog: Part 3

• Live Action Short: Spielzeugland. 6 for 10. Winning an Oscar for a short film probably makes you feel much cooler than you really are. They should just mail them to the winners. And they should be smaller than the normal ones, so they can’t ever tell anyone they won it for a grown-up category.
• I’m catching myself closing my eyes and pretending Hugh Jackman is the Crocodile Hunter.
• Beyonce is way too bootylicious for me. Zak Efron is too, for that matter. I guess most people are too bootylicious for me.
• I kind of like this personal attention for the acting nominees thing. Christopher Walken should be hosting this show.
• Heath gets his posthumous Oscar. 7 for 11. Classy–his family accepts. I was kind of hoping it would be Jack Nicholson, but this is a better move. I’m also glad that his daughter wasn’t up there–that would have been a little too public. Well done, Oscars.
• Bill Maher comes off as a bitter, self-important ass. No surprise there. Seriously though, there is nothing wrong with believing in a peaceful God. Go preach to the fanatics.
• Documentary Feature: Man on Wire. 8 for 12. They have the tightrope walker up there. Magic trick… balancing the statuette on the chin… yeah–that’s pretty bad-ass.
• Documentary Short Subject: Smile Pinki! My guesses are even coming through. 9 for 13. Now I’ll have to see it.
• Visual Effects: Yuck. Benjamin Button. 9 for 14. This was not a good movie.
• Sound Stuff: Seriously, what’s the difference between sound editing and mixing? Anyway, Dark Knight wins. 10 for 15. Slumdog Millionaire. Bam. 11 for 16.
• Film Editing: Slumdog! 12/17. This is getting boring. Something exciting needs to happen. A Jerry Lewis tribute doesn’t seem like the antidote.

Oscars Live Blog — Part 2

• Art Direction: Benji Button. I can’t even remember what i predicted here…let me check… Bam. 4 out of 6. That really was a pretty-looking movie. It’s just such a shame that they wasted so much prettiness on such a bad movie. You don’t hire Van Gogh to paint a turd pink.
• Costume Design: The Duchess. 5 out of 7. You know your awards show has become predictable when I can predict a category’s winner solely by knowing in which century the nominees are set.
• Makeup: Blah…blah…blah… Benjamin Button… 6 out of 8. On a side-note, Brad is not looking too hot in that goatee. He’s supposed to look like Robert Redford, not a UFC fighter.
• Cinematography: Slumdog wins another. 6 out of 9. This guy seems to think that we should all already be aware of whom he wants to thank, “of course.” That was a classically bad acceptance speech. Danny Boyle’s had better raise the bar.
• Black hair makes Jessica Biel look depressingly ordinary.
• Just saw a preview for The Soloist. Robert Downey, Jr…. Jamie Foxx… hmm… sadly, something about it doesn’t really scream quality.
• Awesome Pineapple Express short. “I like to be intellectually stimulated when I watch movies… or watch little boys have sex with Nazis.” Too awesome. Brilliant. I should just stop now… BUT I CAN’T!!!!!!

Oscars Live Blog — Part 1

• My dad’s fist reaction to hearing Hugh Jackman’s name: “How do they pick the people to host this?” Almost like, “If they’ve sunk this low, I should get my name in the hat.”
• Is Hugh Jackman allowed to make jokes about not being nominated? Doesn’t that require some sort of conceivable possibility of it ever occurring?
• Wow, this musical number is depressing me.
• Solid reference to Benjamin Button’s pubic hair. Did you know that nine people have found my blog by searching “pubic hair”? I’m not sure why that makes me proud, but it does.
• Hmm… standing ovation for the musical number? I don’t know if I support this. Although, these are some decent jokes from Van Helsing, I must say.
• I’m not digging the scaled-down style here. I want the red curtain, the sweeping vista of the crowd. This seems like 50 people in my high school auditorium.
• Penelope! One for one. I’m not one to notice these things, but that dress is really pretty. Not a bad speech–waxed a little purple about the “uniting” effect of the ceremony. It’s not like it’s a war-time olympiad or Joyeux Noel.
• MILK! Hmm… 1 for 2. This kind of scares me, because Milk is one of those movies that could really just end up winning every award it’s nominated for and jacking up my predictions… WAIT! AWESOME! A GAY MORMON!!!!!!!!…Holy cow. What a night. Later on, Hugh Jackman’s going to announce that he’s a Unitarian who has sex with plants.
• Simon Beaufoy wins. 2 for 3. Suck it, haters.
• Wall-E wins its default category. No surprise. 3 for 4.
• Ahh… Pixar misses out on the shortie. 3 for 5. Wait, why is Michael Scott accepting, and why is he doing a bad impression of a chinese person?

2009 Oscars Predictions

Ok, I want to get this up quick before the show starts. The tentative plan is to take elaborate notes of the ceremony and post them on here afterward, as sort of a pseudo-live blogging of the event. But first, let me use the gift of prophesy to kill the fun.

Best Actor in a Leading Role (Female):

• I don’t know why the Academy still insists on using the anachronistic term, actress, for this award. It seems like someone would have made a fuss about this by now.
• Kate Winslet is going to win, sort of deservedly. Her performance in “Revolutionary Road” was the best of year (apologies to Sally Hawkins and Meryl), but for whatever reason, the Academy decided to nominate Winslet for her other, far less interesting, and far less “leading” role in “The Reader.” Her turn as an illiterate, omni-naked pedophile-turned-Nazi war criminal certainly passes the controversy test for Oscars success, but I found it somewhat shallow. Perhaps intentionally, we never see her as anything other than an emotional catalyst for the film’s narrator; no depth arises out of the character’s own struggles. In “Revolutionary Road,” however, Winslet scalds. At once strong and fragile, her performance does justice to the unbelievably tragic plight of the mentally ill, mid-20th-century American woman. Oh well, at least the right person is being honored.
• Kate’s, Meryl’s, and Anne Hathaway’s nominations are deserved, and though I haven’t seen Frozen River, I’ve heard wonderful things about Melissa Leo’s performance. Angelina, though a fine actress, is out-classed this year. I would have liked to have seen her nomination go to the effervescent Sally Hawkins for “Happy-Go-Lucky.” She has all the charm of Audrey Hepburn, with none of the unapproachable sophistication. I challenge anyone to resist falling in love with her.

Best Actor in a Leading Role (Male):

• It’s no secret that this is a two-man race between Rourke and Penn. And when you’re dealing with two such near-perfect performances, you can either split hairs (Rourke benefited from life-imitating-art; Penn didn’t seem to react appropriately to grave situations–his boyfriend’s suicide seems to affect him for all of about two on-screen minutes.) or just go with personal preference. As I think Mickey Rourke is one of the most awesome, sexiest dudes ever, I’ve got to go with the Ram for my pick. Whether the Academy will agree will depend on how much of Penn’s recent momentum arrived with enough time to affect the voting.
• This category also suffers from some serious voter-incompetence issues. Richard Jenkins’s inclusion is great, but Brad Pitt, while a fine actor (and even a reasonable dark horse supporting actor nominee for his hilarious performance in “Burn After Reading”) is seriously out of his league. Frank Langella is a fantastic actor, but his Richard Nixon doesn’t pass my test for a leading role, as he’s consistently portrayed as only an observational phenomenon. I’d like to have seen one of their nominations go to Chiwetel Ejiofor, for his fiery performance in the overlooked Mamet project, “Redbelt.” Also snubbed were Clint Eastwood, doing the same old thing in “Gran Torino”, but doing it damn well, and the understated Michael Sheen as “Frost/Nixon’s” true lead and metaphysical glue.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Female):

• Here, the Academy’s Winslet mess-up opens the door for the very deserving Penelope Cruz to take home the golden boy for her deliciously exaggerated work in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona.”  Speaking of which, are there three sexier people on Earth than Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson, and an un-coiffed Javier Bardem? I don’t think there are, and kudos to Woody Allen for figuring that out.
• Look out for a possible upset by Viola Davis. If her few minutes in “Doubt” stick in everyone else’s heads as much as they’ve stuck in mine, she’s got a real shot.
• Yet another actor is nominated for something other than her best performance of the year. Amy Adams wasn’t bad in “Doubt,” but I much preferred her fearless, freewheeling character in “Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day,” one of the most underrated films of ’08. It’s almost magical the way she’s able to balance the role’s inner vulnerability.
• Two big snubs here: Debra Winger’s haunting portrayal of a fiercely angry woman in “Rachel Getting Married” and “The Visitor’s” unknown Hiam Abbass–definitely the sexiest Arab grandmother on screen.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Male):

• It’s a shame that Michael Shannon ran into the dead-gay-cowboy juggernaut. He really deserves more recognition for so adequately and harrowingly serving as the insane voice of reason in “Revolutionary Road.” But, no matter how much anyone else deserves it, this one’s been Heath’s for some time now. Don’t get me wrong, Ledger’s Joker is a brilliantly molded character, and his posthumous receipt of this award is far from unjust.
• Two unnominated actors deserve recognition for incredible performances as completely unpalatable characters. Toby Jones brought Karl Rove to hideous life in Oliver Stone’s “W.”, and Eddie Marsan brings darkness and gravitas to his role as a racist, psycho driving instructor, the essential, dark, contrasting undertone to Sally Hawkins in “Happy-Go-Lucky.” Speaking of which…

Original Screenplay:

• “Happy-Go-Lucky” is one of the finest crafted screenplays in years. Mike Leigh creates a beautiful character, whose flaws are evident, but endearing. He contrasts her adequately with sufficiently hard-boiled foils, and lets the characters dictate the direction and pace of the plot. Really well-done. Traditionally, this category is the Academy’s chance to recognize more quirky, otherwise under-recognized pictures, so my money’s with Leigh tonight.
• No complaints with the nominees for this category, although I can’t really understand the exclusion of “The Wrestler.”

Adapted Screenplay:

• I really don’t knwo who’ll win this one. I think the best of the bunch is Peter Morgan’s sharp, well-woven “Frost/Nixon,” but he loses points for adapting his own stage play. I’m expecting a Slumdog glut tonight, so I’ll give this one to Simon Beaufoy for his adaptation of the novel, “Q & A.”
• The most undeserved nomination of the night goes to Eric Roth for his emotionally stifled adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” Roth won this award in 1995 for “Forrest Gump.” Since then, he’s been nominated twice without a win. He may bring it home again this year for the EXACT SAME DAMN SCREENPLAY that he used to win a decade ago. “You never know what’s coming at you,” Queenie tells young Benjamin. That’s right, and do you know why? Because life is like a ephin’ box of tasty-ass chocolates.

The Curious Face of Forrenjamin Gumpton

Best Picture:

• Is there any question that “Slumdog” will win this one? None of the other 2008 movies in its class (The Wrestler, Happy-Go-Lucky, The Dark Knight, Wall-E, etc.) are nominated. Benji Button won’t win, because the Academy doesn’t want me posting the above picture every day for the rest of my life. “Milk” is a great movie, but it’s no match for “Slumdog Millionaire” and its unstoppable PR tsunami. My favorite film of 2009 (and #59 on my all-time list) is also America’s favorite. It will win, and I’m glad.

Directing:

• Kind of a boring category this year–all the same nominees as Best Picture. Danny Boyle wins for Slumdog, and David Fincher sets his sights on 2010 with “Zodiac 2: Fourteen Hours of Me Turning Pages of Case Files on Camera.” I’ll wait for the director’s cut.

Other:

• Best Animated Film: “Wall-E”, in the conspicuous absence of “Waltz with Bashir,” wins handily.
• Art Direction: No clue, but I’ll go with the crappy, but sumptuous, Benji Button.
• Cinematography: I pick Benji to win, but “The Dark Knight” deserves it.
• Costume Design: Don’t period pieces always win this? I’ll go with “The Duchess.”
• Documentary: “Man on Wire” wins, and “Encounters at the End of the World” applauds quietly, even though it knows it’s the better movie.
• Documentary, Short Subject: Who the hell knows? I pick “Smile Pinki,” because if my name were Pinki, it would smile ALL THE TIME.
• Foreign Language Film: The shadiest category avoids more controversy by rewarding the best nominee: “Waltz with Bashir.” But seriously, what is wrong with our world when this category doesn’t include either “Let the Right One In” or “Gomorrah”? What do we have to do to get some vampires and mobsters up in this biotch?
• Film Editing: Slumdog should win this.
• Makeup: Benjamin Button will win for making Brad Pitt the sexiest ugly-old-man ever. “The Dark Knight” deserves it for using makeup to create the new Joker’s face–one of the most recognizable film images of the 21st century.
• Music (Score): Slumdog’s global grooves beat out the more traditional nominees.
• Music (Song): Another win for Slumdog. I’ll go with “Jai Ho,” because the Bollywood dance scene from the end of the movie rocks my socks and rolls my soul. Easily the most glaring snub of the year is the omission of Springsteen’s haunting paean to the demigod that is Mickey Rourke.
• Short Film (Animated): I’ve seen them all, except for “La Maison en Petits Cubes,” and I’m tempted to pick it, but I’ll go with “Presto,” because Pixar can do no wrong. Check out “This Way Up,” when you get a chance. It was seriously funny, in a frighteningly macabre way.
• Short Film (Live Action): I’ve seen none, but I’ll go with “Manon on the Asphalt,” because I like the title.
• Sound Editing/Sound Mixing: I don’t even know what the difference is, so I’ll pick the two best sounding movies (Slumdog and “The Dark Knight”) and give myself points for either category. What’s that? Well, this is my blog. That’s why. If you don’t like it, go read the Huffington Post.
• Visual Effects: “The Dark Knight” wins.

Whew, that took forever, and was probably WAY not worth the thirteen views it will get. Oh well. I’m ready for you, Wolverine. Prepare to be verbally eviscerated with my wit–sharper and more forceful than your claws, with 99% less harmful free radicals than Adamantium.